Welcome to UltraCorp, Millennials!

Hello and congratulations on completing your six-month new-employee probationary period. We’d like to take this opportunity to answer some of your questions and respond to some of your suggestions from the employee survey.

• With some reluctance, in response to user request we are looking into the possibility of creating a first-person-shooter-style iPad app you can use for filing your reports of parking lot vehicle damage.
• Finance rightly refused to allow smartphone access to the core ERP modules. They’ve indicated they’ll put it all into Amazon AWS public cloud anyway; we look forward to continuing our discussions with them about that.
• To the R&D group—we admire and appreciate your enthusiasm for that next-generation product you’re working on. However, you must immediately remove the meeting notes from the Facebook page you created. Yes, even though you have 1,306 likes already.
• As for those two clever tricks you “invented” (as several of you characterized it in your UltraCorp Newbie LinkedIn group. Yes, we can read that.) to help friends who’ve forgotten their access cards: Passback and tailgating have been around for decades.
• We were surprised to find usage of freelargefiletransfer.com has spiked in several departments since your arrival. We spent a good deal of money (er, bread? cake? cheddar?) last fiscal year installing a secure, encrypted file-transfer program that integrates with our email system. (“Email” is a messaging program. It’s a lot like Twitter, only turn-based instead of real-time.) Could you pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please use that instead?

Your required cooperation is appreciated,

Team Security

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P.S. Follow us on Twitter! @teamsecurityultracorp