Intermodal Chic

“Oh look, Melissa, here comes the ravishing Barbara Yanakis in a heavy-duty double-hung corrugated pantsuit accented with tasteful bar codes! Omigod, Babs, you look like something DHS dragged in!”

“Oh stop it, Joan! This old thing? I’d love to say it’s mine, but it’s just on loan for the night from the lovely people at the Port of Seattle, who helped me put it together. I just think it’s grand. What a night!”

“Well, you look great. I’d say most of what I see is tare weight, not lading, honey! Wonduhful. OK, take it away, Melissa.”

“Thanks, Mom! I’m here with the one, the only Jennifer Smithson of the Containerization & Intermodal Institute. Jennifer, first of all, what are you wearing?”

“This is GE Logistics, Melissa.”

“Marvelous! Now tell me about the night and what has brought out all the beautiful people from the container and intermodal shipping industry.”

“I know! I’m sort of awestruck by the FAKyou know, the freight of all kindshere. Wow! But, what we wanted to do was have a night to celebrate us, Melissa. You know so rarely in containerization do we stop to do thatbecause, you know, the freight’s on such a tight schedule, and”

“Melissa, excuse me, sorry, it’s Joan here and I am with none other than the Coast Guardyes, Coasties! Probably a dozen of them. Now, what’s your name, dear?”

“I’m PFC Bobby Shaw, Port of Los Angeles, ma’am.”

“Oh how cute, but let me ask you, Private. Who picked out this orange? Seriously, I could see you if I was blind! You look like disco fire.”

“Well, that’s kind of the point, ma’am. The blaze orange helps people easily identify us as the Coast Guard, and it keeps us visible in storms when we’re trying to save wayward sailors”

“I see. Well I hope those wayward sailors get sunglasses when you pull them out of the water. Awful, Melissa. Dreadful!”

“I know, Mom. And did you see the container they arrived in? It was the full 53-foot receptacle. Biggest one out there. What are they compensating for?”

“Don’t go there, Melissa! Here’s Billy Bob Thornton. Billy, thanks for taking a little time! What brings you to the CII gala tonight?”

“Joan, I just like trucks.”

“Mom? Mom?”

“Go, Melissa.”

“OK, Mom, I’ve got with me from a Scandanavian shipping company Erik Andersen, who I must say looks debonair in hazmat themed mini-container tux complete with security seal. Wow, Erik, I’d love to see your vessel manifest!”

“Thanks, Melissa. My tie’s also an RFID tag! Your dunnage is looking pretty good too!”

“Oh stop it, Erik! I’m blushing. Mom, it’s getting too hot over here, take it away!”

“I think the show is starting, honey! We’ve had a wonderful time out here, though, haven’t we? Oh look, there’s some vaguely rust-colored double stacked carrierstacky, tacky tacky! And over there, some draymenboys, you could have cleaned up before the show! Echhk! Oh and there’s Jack Nicholson! Jack! Over here…he’s so hard to get!”