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by CSO Contributor

Convergence for Every Appetite

Feature
Apr 15, 20054 mins
CSO and CISOData and Information Security

Appetizer

Spears of Infosec Wrapped in Crispy Physical Security

Easy and elegant. Fresh spears of infosec are wrapped in physical security and baked until slightly hardened on the outside, melted together on the inside.

Prep time: approx. 5 workdays

Cook time: approx. 1 work month

Ready in: approx. 1 fiscal quarter

Makes: enough small servings to give executives a taste of convergence without upsetting the appetite for a main course of change

Ingredients

1 tbs. resolve

16 slices of physical security (chosen from best practices)

16 spears of fresh infosecurity practices, technical roots trimmed off

1 cup of cheesy business-speak (win-win, seamless, synergistic,

whatever’s on hand)

Choice of garnish

Directions

1. Preheat infosec team by telling them of plans to wrap infosec into physical security.

2. Lightly grease physical security team so they don’t burn and stick during convergence.

3. Spread cheesy business-speak on slice of physical security (to help ingredients cohere).

4. Carefully wrap slice of physical security around spear of infosec, making sure best practices don’t tear.

5. Bake for several weeks.

6. When crispy, garnish with new convergence name of your choice (avoid intense, florid garnishes here as they tend to overwhelm the dish with expectations).Main CourseGrilled and Skewered Surf & Turf

The best way to grill security for a satisfying convergence. Fillets of cybersecurity (surf) are mixed with bulbs of sweet risk analysis and then placed between layers of choice, thick-cut physical security (turf), marinated and grilled to perfection!

Prep time: approx. 1 fiscal quarter

Cook time: approx. 1 fiscal quarter

Ready in: approx. 1/2 year for medium-well convergence; allow for up to a year for convergence that’s well-done

Makes: approx. enough for one converged security operation for a large corporation; should have enough left over for subsidiaries

Ingredients

Turf: 1 pound of choice, thick-cut physical security*

Surf: 4-6 fillets of infosecurity, bones of contention removed*

1 large fresh clove of risk analysis, chopped (can use cost-benefit, penetration tests, ERM-variety or other types depending on season and what’s native to your area)

3 cups of mixed/chopped vegetables

Pinch of chutzpah

Oil, vinegar, soy sauce, thyme (for marinade)

Directions

1. Preheat unused office space large enough for extended grilling of infosec and physical security teams.

2. In a separate space (possibly offsite retreat), marinate security staff. Use enough oil to prevent charring the physical security staff and enough soy sauce to cure the infosec team. Good presentation requires thyme. The longer you marinate, the smoother your convergence will taste.

3. Line unused office space with the thick-cuts of physical security, leaving space between cubicles; place the infosec fillets in between the cubicles and spread chopped risk analysis liberally throughout.

4. Spread pinch of chutzpah, toss in mixed/chopped vegetables, and seal off the room.

5. Grill team: CAUTIONDo not leave room unattended. Grease from the marbleized cuts of physical security could cause flare-ups.

6. Taste periodically; surf & turf char easily when not monitored.

7. When cooked just enough, remove staff from the room, as cooking will continue even after heat is turned off.

* According to research, consuming raw or undercooked convergence dishes can result in stock price malaise or, in rare cases, corporate death.DessertGeek-Guard Cobbler with Vanilla Glaze (Caution: Nuts!)

This nouveau take on an all-American classic is easy to make and will please everyone at the conference table with its indulgent sweetness. Sure, it’s not healthyit’s not even really convergencebut it tastes sooooo goo-ooood!

Prep time: approx. 1 morning

Cook time: approx. 1 afternoon

Ready in: approx. 1 day

Makes: plenty for each executive and board member, but don’t be afraid to double up the recipe; they’ll definitely want more once they get a taste of this guilty pleasure.

Ingredients

3 cups of sweetened data1/4 cup sugary spreadsheets

3 buttered-up guards

2/3 cup confectionery security action reports (the best varieties have actionable items removed)

2 cans of fruity ROI (for filler)

1 cup chopped, mixed nuts

5 tbs. vanilla glaze (to provide extra sweetness and neutralize natural flavors)

Directions

1. In a conference room, combine sweetened data, sugary spreadsheets, buttered-up guards, confectionery action reports and canned ROI.

2. Mix until numbers are whipped up to make convergence taste really sweet; should be a mushy consistency.

3. Add starch to stiffen the mixture for executives.

4. Spoon dollops of mixture onto presentation slides, one per page, topping each with nuts.

5. Bake until dollops harden slightly and look as if they have substance.

6. Remove from conference room and top with vanilla glaze.

7. Chill; serve with ice cream.