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Translation Table: Speaking in Tongues

Jun 01, 20032 mins
IT Jobs

What the CSO says and what other executives hear

Translation Table
What the CSO SaysWhat the CEO HearsWhat the CFO ThinksWhat the CIO Mutters
We should run an independent audit to create a baseline profile of our company’s security practices and needs.We should pay some consultant to come in here and figure out that you’ve been using the corporate jet to weekend in Cabo. Of course, we have our own audit group, but that apparently doesn’t drain enough resources for Captain Cost Center.You couldn’t possibly understand my complex systems well enough to audit them.
Corporate espionage is a risk we can’t ignore. We should start an internal awareness campaign. Corporate espionage is an opportunity we can’t ignore. We should start a campaign. Awareness campaign? Tell you what, Señor Spendthrift, why don’t we just start a bonfire and use revenues as kindling.Awareness? Are you aware that you couldn’t possibly understand my complex systems?
The company should think strategically about risk. Security can contribute to the bottom line. I want a key to the executive washroom, stock options and a raise.Eliminating Joe Millionaire over here would contribute significantly to the bottom line.Our biggest strategic risk is if you think you could possibly understand my complex systems.
An adequately trained and motivated security staff is essential for a secure work environment.A motivated security staff could essentially do anything it wants to the company.Hold on, Richie Rich. A CPP training class is gonna cost what???No amount of training could possibly help your staff understand my complex systems.
Risk is risk, whether you’re talking about IT or physical infrastructure. I’ll lead our effort to mitigate all risk.I will gladly be your fall guy.Great. Now Spendy the Clown can be the fall guy.You can be the fall guy when my complex systems are hacked, even though you couldn’t possibly understand them.