The Underachieving Thieves' Guild

By Scott Berinato

September 14, 2007 — CSO —
1. A New Hampshire man allegedly robbed Citizens Bank without a weapon but disguised as what?
a. A gorilla
b. A tree
c. An ATM repairman
d. An elderly woman

2. Which of the following prevented two men from robbing a Blackpool, England, post office?
a. Their gun was fake.
b. The woman behind the counter told them, "Don't be so silly. I'm going to ring the police," and did.
c. While in the post office, their getaway car was boxed in.
d. All of the above.

3. True or False: A family in Poland allegedly stole their neighbor's roof to sell as scrap metal.

4. In Washington, D.C., a man allegedly walked into a backyard barbecue and pointed a gun at a 14-year-old girl's head. Then what happened?
a. The girl, a karate black belt, wrestled the gun out of his hands and he was subdued.
b. The girl's dad jumped the man, threw him onto the hot grill and he fled, burned.
c. An unseen guest inside called 911 and the police arrived to defuse the situation.
d. The robber stayed for wine and cheese with the family.

5. What did a thief in the Philippines who allegedly stole two mobile phones do after being chased by the police for 500 meters?
a. Trip on his own feet and fall, breaking his leg.
b. Run into a pole when he was looking back to see if they were gaining on him.
c. Stop and call "time out," making the universal T sign with his hands.
d. Jump into a nearby car, which turned out to be the police officers' car.

6. Match the alleged thieves with the location where they were caught:

a. Wisconsin man who robbed $200 from a general store.	1. In the parking lot of the local police station, which they drove into by accident.
b. Two Chinese men who stole money and a mobile phone from a store customer.	2. Drinking a beer at a bar, less than a mile away, with the getaway car and its ID'd license plate parked out front.
c. A Connecticut duo who stole a laptop and cash from a hotel.	3. Passed out drunk in the home's bedroom.
d. An Austrian jewel thief who robbed a home.	4. At the scene of the crime, after returning there to settle a bet on whether the store had surveillance cameras. (It did.)

7. Why shouldn't a Hilton Head, S.C., man have reported his car stolen?
a. There were allegedly drugs and a scale in the car.
b. The vehicle was found at a country club where a burglary alarm had gone off and someone had left footprints in the morning dew.
c. When he claimed the car, police found the man was carrying $71, the amount stolen from a local sub shop the night before.
d. A K-9 team found a scent trail back to the address the man had reported the car stolen from, where an alleged accomplice in the sub shop burglary lived.