Debriefing | Layoffs: That Personal Touch

Debriefing

October 01, 2006 — CSO — RadioShack notified about 400 workers by e-mail that they were being dismissed immediately as part of planned job cuts. Employees at the Fort Worth headquarters got messages Tuesday morning

saying: "The workforce reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately your position is one that has been eliminated."

–The Associated Press, Aug. 31, 2006

To: bobw_cfo@widgetco.com
From: timk_cso@widgetco.com
BCC: business_editor@nytimes.com
Subject: Whistle-blower
Bob: A whistle-blower (Fred Inversio in Logistics) has informed authorities that you wrote off the CEO's daughter's $2.7 million Sweet 16 party as an operating expense, and that you plan to amortize her custom Bentley. Unfortunately, you are now under investigation by the SEC and IRS.
Have a Nice Day!
-Tim K. in Security

To: 3rd Floor All
From: timk_cso@widgetco.com
Subject: Internet use policy violation
We recently discovered that Fred Inversio in Logistics (the whistle-blower) has been downloading videos from a website called Barely Legal. The police have arrived but said tear gas probably won't be necessary. Unfortunately, some of you may be detained as witnesses. Don't be alarmed.
Have a Nice Day!
-Tim K. in Security

To: gloriak@home.net
From: timk_cso@widgetco.com
Subject: Apologies
Gloria: Things are crazy here so I'll keep it quick. I very much appreciate the past 27 years, not to mention our three children. Unfortunately, I'm in love with Sylvia, the account rep from our network security provider, HardnSoftware. I've closed our joint checking, put the house on the market and terminated the lease on the SUV. My mom said you and the kids can use her old Duster for now. My lawyer will be serving you with divorce papers, an eviction notice, a restraining order and an Apartments for Rent guide. It'd be great if I could get that back. I know someone else who needs it.
Have a Nice Day!
-Tim K. in Security

To: george_sales@hardnsoftware.com
From: timk_cso@widgetco.com
BCC: sylvia@hardnsoftware.com
Subject: Your Widgetco contact
George: This is to inform you that I have left Widgetco. Today. I'm moving to Aruba but it has nothing to do with what you're reading about Widgetco in the news right now. I'm not involved in the financial scandal, and the only reason the cops used tear gas was because Kyle in Marketing freaked out. Good news, though, they've upgraded him to serious condition. Anyway, I want you to know that HardnSoftware really improved our network security and Sylvia's been terrific to work with, and I'm not just saying that because she's your wife. Unfortunately (for you), she's tired of the subpar love-making, so she sold your townhouse and is coming with me to Aruba. I'll be asking my ex-wife to drop by your place with an Apartments for Rent guide. You two should go to dinner.
Have a Nice Day!
-Tim K., formerly in Security
P.S. By the way, if you're looking to hire a replacement for Sylvia, try Fred Inversio. Used to work at Widgetco. Good guy.