A Joke Gone Bad

When should you bend the rules to keep from losing a great employee who makes a mistake?

August 01, 2004 — CSO — I appreciate a good security policy as much as the next guy. Good procedures help employees understand that no, it's not OK to spend all morning surfing porn sites, and yes, it really matters if they leave our strategic plans spread out in a conference room for all the cleaning staff to see. But sometimes, good judgment just has to trump the policy book. The rules, after all, are not there to give us security folks authoritythey're there to make the organization secure. I learned that the hard way early in my career.

In a previous life, long before I became a chief security officer, I was a nuclear missile launch commander. In my unit was a fellow missileer we called "Special Ed" because he really was dumber than warm water. Special Ed was also very religious, and one day one of the other guys decided to play a practical joke on him. This wise guy typed several Bible verses onto a roll of paper that was used to print out missile statuses and alarms. He replaced the paper in the status printer and left with a sly grin.

Later, in the wee hours of the morning, Special Ed began receiving alarm information that caused him to review the paper tapes. "Power failure launch facility No. 8," the tape read. "You shall sow what you reap." Ed blinked twice and advanced the tape. "Power returned launch facility No. 8. No man can serve two masters, he will love one and despise the other."

Ed scratched his noodle. What could this be? Bible verses, a powerful computer, a powerful deity.... Then, it came to him. God had taken over the computer that controls the U.S. nuclear missile forces. The most powerful force on Earth was now being controlled by the most powerful force in the universe.

Ed shot off an encrypted message to the Strategic Air Command (SAC) Headquarters informing them of the nonhostile, heavenly takeover. Ten minutes later, I received a call at home requesting my immediate presence for an emergency assumption of command at a missile silo. I jumped into my uniform, raced to the base and was escorted on board a waiting military helicopter with 12 military police armed with M16s and wearing flak jackets. We were ready to kick ass and take names.

A colonel hailed me on the helicopter radio on the flight out. "Son," he said in a no-nonsense, Texas accent, "we have a potential broken arrow here. You have any idea what that means?"