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Interview with Gavin de Becker

Called the Slowest Pulse in Hollywood, Gavin de Becker has a cool style of executive and celebrity protection that has gained him the trust of Hollywood stars, CEOs and even U.S. presidents.

By Sarah D. Scalet

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And how about the final C, certainty?

Those experiencing anxiety always seek the antidote, which is certainty. We can't always give certainty on the big questions. (For example, will everything be all right? Is there danger on my trip to the Dominican Republic?) But we can express things we do know with certainty. We can describe the actions we will take; we can set forth "rules of engagement" for [what to do] if an unwanted pursuer calls again; we can offer with great certainty details of how to respond to an emergency. If you don't tell people what's going to happen (when you'll get back to them, what steps you'll take) and establish their expectations, their expectations will be established by television shows. What is routine for you and me, dear peer CSO, is not routine for the person who is perhaps a victim of crime for the first time in their lives. They are highly stressed, and they will wonder why you didn't put a 10-man surveillance team on the stalker; why you haven't arrested anybody yet; why the FBI hasn't taken action yet. When a person is anxious, any certainty will hit the spot. And any lack of certainty will worsen matters. So express whatever you can with reassuring certainty.

There's a beautiful quote from Nelson Mandela: "When we are liberated from our fears, that automatically liberates others around us." So you simply are a person of confidence, and you communicate things with confidence, and you take the lead in the situation, knowing that you (and not the person that you're assisting) have the most experience in this field. You need to know it; that's the only way they'll come to know it.

The gist of all this is that the very energy that frustrates you—that victim of fear who is calling you all the time, or that person who's disappointed by the speed with which the case is being resolved, or that CEO who doesn't like the information you're giving him—the same energy that frustrates you will ultimately benefit you if your relationship stays good.

In what way?

All that emotion eventually will be channeled into relief and praise if your relationship stays good. We have 1,400 clients, and they tend to call during times of crisis and anxiety—not typically when they're at their best. That emotion, that anxiety—we look at it as an opportunity. Most people run from it. We encourage people to move toward it and embrace it and understand that the emotional person is trying to invest his or her confidence in you.